A weird new love for the Slovak Christmas

        Rolling to the airport through the maze of the Parisian metro...

I think the song In Your Arms by Meredith Andrews describes very accurately how I am feeling right now… 

It’s December 20 again.

After a tough semester I am finally home bound. It will be my first Christmas in Slovakia after three years. It’s different this time because I am not coming from the States but from France, hence the amount of stress before the trip is almost non existent in comparison with the usual trans-Atlantic flights. 

It’s also different because my attitude towards spending time with my family has changed radically since the last time I went home for Christmas. Coming back to our little village in South Western  Slovakia always used to feel like a chore for me; something that was required of me but that I didn’t liked doing. The reasons for this are several, one being the general atmosphere of family disaccord that often overwhelms the feeling of joy and peace in the air you’d expect in this time of year (those from broken-up homes will understand). Also, I never liked the fuss around Christmas presents and the mistaken idea that the amount and price of the presents you give to each family member testifies about the amount of love you have for them. 

But I think that being deprived of a Christmas dinner with my mom and brothers for two consecutive years and seeing two alternative versions (one year with an absolutely amazing host family and the other with a dysfunctional one) made me understand one thing. Whatever the amount of misunderstanding and pain there might be hovering around in the family circle, I have no right to deny love to my relatives, even at the expense of getting hurt. I am able to do this because, as it goes in another song by JJ Heller, "I will never cry alone". See, there is a love in me that I am learning to experience that is deeper than family disagreements and nervousness, stronger than accusations and anger that spring up like weeds among my relatives and which were deeply rooted in me until recently. It is the love that requires me to forgive, to often forget, to apologize even when the apology will not be accepted, to be vulnerable. I am doing this because I have tried other ways of dealing with the chaos at home and only this one has worked at giving me freedom from the behaviors that make my family run in a vicious cycle. 

This love is highlighted to the whole world every Christmas season by the One who's planted it in me. Therefore I am ever more motivated to live it out with my family, however functional or not, during Christmas. As I said, I am still learning to experience this love that God showed to me, so granted this stay at home will bring about mistakes from my side and perhaps some hurts from the other. But I don't worry because I have forgiveness from my mistakes and a healing for my hurts. That doesn't mean I shouldn't keep loving my fam fully and devotedly. It just reminds me of the refreshing reality that I can't love them by myself.  

With this knowledge and with a new zeal to spend one month with "the ours" as we say in Slovak, let's take off!